Tuesday, 8 July 2014

Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops... AN UPDATE

Folks! It's been two years (two years!!) since the release of 'Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops' and a year since the release of its sequel 'More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops.' Time flies, and all that jazz.

Y'all have been messaging me, asking if people still stay crazy things in our bookshop. Well, yes. Yes, they do...

Man (walks through the door): Hi, where's the nearest secondhand bookshop?
Me: You're in it.
Man: No - I'm looking for a different one.

Creepy customer: I've always had this fantasy about having sex with a bookseller... Would you shelve that under fact or fiction?

Customer: I'm looking for that book, you know, the one that sounds like it should be a dinosaur.
Me: .... A Thesaurus?
Customer: That's the one!

Customer: You know how they say reading's good for you?
Me: Yeah.
Customer: I'm not sure that's true, you know.
Me: Oh?
Customer: Yeah. I read an article on it somewhere. It was interesting. I should probably read more about it.

Customer (to her friend): I think I might get this book, it looks rather good. (She begins flicking through it and reading random passages to herself.)
*a few minutes later*
Customer: Oh no! A character dies, here, look, on page 212. I don't think I want to read it now that I know that. (She turns to me.) You should put a warning on the cover or something to tell people not to look at certain pages. Y'know for spoilers and stuff.

Overheard five year old twins having a chat:
Girl: What's the difference between Coke and Pepsi?
Boy: Well, DUH. One is red and one is blue.

Male Customer: I don't really understand why women write novels... Do you? What are they trying to achieve? I don't read them. I mean, I understand why women write cookery books, but other than that it all seems a bit silly, right?

Customer (looking around our bookshop): You know, clutter is bad feng shui. This is a lot of books. It'll mess with your qi.
Me: ...

Man: I need a copy of that famous book: 'The Pigeon's Progress.'
Me: ...'The Pilgrim's Progress'?
Man: Oh. Is it not about birds, then?

Customer: I'm looking a book set after Breaking Dawn. I want to know what happens to Bella and Edward.
Me: I'm afraid Stephenie Meyer hasn't written any more Twilight books - apart from the Bree Tanner one.
Customer (looking at me like I'm stupid): Yeah, I know that. I thought someone else might have written it instead.
Me: ...Perhaps you should look at fanfiction online?
Customer (exasperated): No, duh. I WANT A BOOK. 


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'Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops' / 'More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops.'

The Bookshop Book is out autumn 2014.

1 comment:

  1. Actually, those twins make perfect sense. Some of the others... let's just say maybe bookshops need bouncers.