Wednesday, 2 May 2012

Weird Things Customers Say at Book Signings


Wonderful folks! I bring you a new 'Weird Things...' post, with actual weird things - ones not in the book, as they happened over the past few weeks. Enjoy!

Thank you to all the lovely people who have come along to 'Weird Things...' events so far. Thanks also to these people, below. Oh the irony of signing this book in a bookshop.....

--




Woman: So.  Are you the new JK Rowling, then?

--


Woman: Can you tell me where the children's section is?
Me: I'm afraid I don't work here - I'm just here signing books today.
Woman: Well... what use is that?!

--

Man: You should follow my wife around; she say stupid things all the time.
Me: Really?
Man: Yeah. Not necessarily in bookshops, just in life.
Me: Oh.
Man: Yeah. Like, she thinks I poisoned our cat. But I didn't.

--

Man: Who are you?
Me: My name's Jen.
Man: And what are you doing here?
Me: Well, I wrote a book, and I'm here to sign copies of it.
Man: You wrote a book?
Me: Yes, that's right.
Man: You can't have done.
Me: ... I did.
Man: But... you're deformed. I don't think it's right of you to call yourself a writer if you're too deformed to write.
Me: ...I can write.
Man: With a pen? *brandishes pen*
Me: Yes.
Man: Well, I still think it's ridiculous *walks off*
Me: *headdesk*

--


Man: *picks up a copy of 'Weird Things...' and reads the front out loud*: Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops, by Jen Campbell.
Me: Yep.
Man: You wrote this?
Me: I did.
Man: Cool. What's your name?
Me: ...Jen Campbell.
Man: And what's the book about? Is it a thriller or something?

--

& my personal favourite...

Woman: *walks up to me, holding up a copy of 50 Shades of Grey*: Will you sign this for me?
Me: ... I didn't write that book.
Woman: But the sign says that you're signing books today.
Me: Yes... I'm signing the book that I wrote *indicates book*
Woman: Just that one?
Me: ...Yes.
Woman: Not this one?
Me: ... No.
Woman: Oh, that's odd. *wanders off*


-
Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops [UK] / Weird Things Customers Say in Bookstores [US/Canada]

29 comments:

  1. These make me weep for the human race!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Loved reading these aloud to my kids this morning. 13-year-old's take-away: People are so clueless. Indeed!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Now I don't see what's so odd about asking you to sign a copy of 50 Shades of Grey! I mean think about it - would be pretty unique!
    ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I thought so too. To have the world's only copy of 50 Shades of Grey signed by Jen Campbell -- quelle score!

      Delete
  4. Man: Who are you?
    Me: My name's Jen.
    Man: And what are you doing here?
    Me: Well, I wrote a book, and I'm here to sign copies of it.
    Man: You wrote a book?
    Me: Yes, that's right.
    Man: You can't have done.
    Me: ... I did.
    Man: But... you're deformed. I don't think it's right of you to call yourself a writer if you're too deformed to write.
    Me: But not too deformed to pull a trigger. Watch.

    Man collapses with small quantity of lead occupying space that should have been occupied by organic matter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That one had me open mouthed, how rude. I presume he thinks that paralympic athletes shouldn't call themselves athletes either, how short sighted of him.

      Delete
    2. Ectrodactyly

      I used to have a customer with that, I thought her hands were the second most attractive I'd seen. I still remember them well.

      Delete
    3. Woman: Just that one?

      In the future you should sign any book for $20.

      Delete
    4. Black clothed figure walks in.
      Twists mans neck 90 degrees.
      Tips hat to author.
      Walks out again.

      Delete
    5. I'm with the black-clothed figure. Wouldn't waste a bullet on that. Fuckers.

      Delete
  5. God that man was so rude D:

    I hate people that can't see past disabilities or assume that a disability would stop you from doing something. It's pathetic.

    I love how you get customers saying weird things at your book signings, that's great :P

    ReplyDelete
  6. People say strange things all the time, why not of books?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Didn't someone say something similar about the chap who wrote My Left Foot?
    "Does he know he wrote it?"

    ReplyDelete
  8. Personally I would have signed that book with something hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Jaw on floor at the 'deformed' guy! What a prat!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Oh gah! Like the wretched publisher person who told me I could never get a book published because "how would you ever do a book signing?" (When I muttered, "And Stephen Hawking?" he said, "Oh that's different.")

    ReplyDelete
  11. What a rude obnoxious idiot! Grrr

    ReplyDelete
  12. I can't believe that deformed comment. Some people are absolutely disgusting. You rock and writing a book is amazing.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Pals, I appreciate the anger but I deal with that kind of thing all the time [this one was just suitably ridiculous, ha!].

    & perhaps I should have signed 50 shades of grey ;) xx

    ReplyDelete
  14. Very weird. Not sure I want to do any book signings now. Did it put you off? Maybe you will have to write the sequel: Weird Things People Say at Book Signings xcat

    ReplyDelete
  15. Didn't put me off at all. I've had a great time doing the events, met some wonderful people and spent time at fantastic bookshops. I'm going to do a write up today about the Blackwell's event, where I spent a whole day and night.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the "deformed" comments ... what an ignorant person. I'm amazed that people can still be so stupid regarding disability :)
    The other comments made me and my son chuckle, I called him over to have a read. Keep them coming :)

    ReplyDelete
  17. That last gal has opened up a whole new career possibility for me: I'm going to set up a table at book stores and sign any book people bring over to me. For a nominal fee.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm glad you can take that sort of idiocy so well. I'm afraid I wouldn't have been able to respond so well. The other quotes are so funny though and I love your book. We've had some clangers in our bookshop too so your book made us laugh for hours. Something about bookshops must bring out the crazies.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I want to know so much about the maybe-poisoner... so intriguing. Write a book about him. Make it a thriller, but call it something like 'How To Make Bread' - THAT would confuse people. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Internal dialogue:
    id: "Say something to the cute girl!"
    ego: "But I'm an idiot, I don't know anything to say."
    id: "Say something! Whoah, her hand looks odd, say something about that!"
    ego: "That's not a good way to start a conversation with a cute girl."
    id: "Whatever! Say something! Cute girl!"
    ego: "She'll be offended."
    id: "What?! She doesn't like me? Screw her! Say something offensive then!"
    ego (this time out loud): "But...you're deformed."
    [etc.]

    ReplyDelete
  21. I would have signed the 50 Shades book anyway.

    ReplyDelete