Happy Saturday morning, folks! A while ago I thought it would be a good idea to let this man loose on my blog [I was no doubt drunk at the time. In fact, he probably spiked my drink]. I should have known he wouldn't behave. This is man is in charge of the excellent blog meandmybigmouth. You should definitely check that out.
He has written a book called 21st Century Dodos - a very funny collection of things that have gone out of fashion/no longer exist. The book is a fond farewell to the many inanimate objects, cultural icons and general stuff around us that find themselves on the verge of extinction.
Yes. And now he's here to talk to you all about it. HOWEVER, instead of a Q&A session I asked Scott -I mean, Steve [blimey it's confusing, but I'm fairly sure he answers to most things]. Anyway, yes, I asked him to imagine that the year is 2100, and to write about five cultural things in the past 100 years that have now become extinct. And this is what he said.
Jen has let me loose on her blog. The fool.
I am here to promote my book, 21st Century Dodos. It is one of those mildly amusing toilet books. You know the sort of thing: you get given it for Christmas, stick it on top of the cistern to read when you are having a poo (ladies, don’t pretend it is just us men who do that) only for it to remain half-read and amass a collection of colourful splashes and stains. [Jen: Nice...]
The handful of people who read it all the way through will discover over 130 articles on inanimate objects (and other stuff) that are on the verge of extinction. Things like audio cassettes, rotary dial telephones and white dog poo.
But enough about my actual book, Jen has asked me to write about an imaginary book. I am to pretend the year is 2100 and I have written a book called 22nd Century Dodos (shit name, that). What five things do I think will be extinct by then?
Bookshops. [Jen: SEE, I KNEW THIS WASN'T A GOOD IDEA.] It doesn’t make me happy to suggest this but will they still be around in the next century? [Jen: *sob*] We are already reading about the death of the independent bookshop with seemingly dozens closing every month, Waterstone’s have decided to end the 3 for 2 and start putting their promotional stickers on the back of books (does that strike anybody else as a bit odd?) and Amazon command over 50% of the UK market. Surely at some point in the distant future bookshops will be a rare sighting on the high street? [Jen: *sniff*]
Except for secondhand bookshops, I reckon they’ll still be around (we need somewhere to get rid of the contents of our toilet library.) As will Jen, standing behind the counter, 124 years old [Jen: Ahem, 113], listening out for weird things customers say. But they'll have to speak up a bit.
3D Movies. Sitting in a darkened room wearing sunglasses is just fucking stupid. At some point other people will realise this.
Marmite. Those plucky Danes have led the way by ‘banning’ the Devil’s sputum. In the coming century the rest of the world will follow suit. I mean, whose idea was it to extract anything from yeast? And what idiot then decided to eat it?
Then we can start on peanut butter. And Ribena. [Jen: But but but I love marmite and peanut butter! I will keep a secret stash in my cellar.]
Alphabetical Order by Surname. Apple’s insistence on listing music on our iPods in alphabetical order by first name will slowly take over all filing systems. By 2100 William Shakespeare will be alongside Will Self, Martin Amis will nestle snugly next to Martina Cole and Kate Atkinson will be sharing a shelf with Katie Price.
Knives, Forks and Spoons. The spork will rule the world!
There you go people, some ideas for a sequel to my attractive and reasonably priced volume of nostalgia. To be written by someone in 89 years time. Please alert your grandchildren in your wills.
You can find 21st Century Dodos at your local bookshop. You can also find it over on Amazon.